How to Succeed in Life Without Really Trying
by Spooder
Summary: If you don't at first succeed, try, try, try again. Unless you have Naruto's luck, then all bets are off. Everyone thinks he's ultra competent and powerful. He has no idea what he's doing. But does anyone, really?
1. Chapter 1

' _You're a hero, Naruto.'_

Those words resonated in his mind. The old lady who had said them sounded genuine in her praise. It was strange, to say the least, receiving positive words and wishes from random people inside of the village. He knew why though; the Sandaime had explained what had happened four years earlier.

The sealing of the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

He was damn proud of himself, being able to hold back a beast that even the Yondaime -one of the greatest ninja in the world- couldn't defeat.

Naruto had forgotten the part of the story where the Yondaime had sealed the demon fox inside of him. It had taken no effort on Naruto's part, seeing as he had just been an infant, while the Fourth had done the heavy lifting.

Naruto contemplated his successes as he stood in front of his favorite shop that contained the latest and most expensive brands of toys. The price tags that he could spot had too many zeroes for the meager allowance he received from the Hokage each month.

With a defeated sigh, Naruto turned onto a random street and made his way forward until he stumbled into the park that he frequented. It was late afternoon and empty due to the fact that most children have returned home for dinner already. He had the whole park to himself. He stumbled to the swings with this in mind.

Naruto climbed onto the wooden seat of the swing. He then started pressing his feet onto the dirt and gave himself a push. He had started the process of one man swinging. It wasn't as exciting as someone pushing you; maybe next time he could bring a friend? It would be better than sitting in a empty park alone

Naruto banished the thoughts and looked around at the park. It had started to get very dark and he was starting to get scared. Creepy things came out at night and Naruto had no intention of meeting said things.

Naruto sprinted across the centre of the park to make it to the exit. He began drawing shallow breaths and looking at his surroundings.

Naruto felt like an idiot. Why did he stay out so late? Stupid! Naruto raised his hand and tried to see it. It was so dark that he could barely make it out, and it was right in front of his eyes!

Tears started dripping from Naruto's eyes. He needed to find his way home. He left the park and started stumbling around in the darkness, trying to find the way back to his apartment.

He then saw it, a lamppost! Naruto was going to find his way back.

Naruto ran to the lamp post but then stopped when he saw a figure. It must have heard him, because it turned around.

It was a man with a cloud headband.

Warning bells rang inside of Naruto's head as the man's eyes locked onto his. Those were the eyes of a killer and Naruto needed to get away. Far away.

As Naruto ran, the cloud nin gave chase.

Naruto kept sprinting, eyes straight ahead, desperately trying to escape the Cloud-nin with his life intact.

Unfortunately for Naruto, a four-year-old legs were much shorter than those of the average adult.

The man soon caught up with Naruto and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, and it looked like it was all over for Naruto.

Then something unexpected happened.

Naruto was pretty skinny for a kid his size and usually wore baggy clothes, allowing him to slip out of his jacket _while sprinting_ and not losing his stride.

The Cloud-nin hadn't accounted for that and in his surprise let the jacket go, letting it land right on his face and blinding him to incoming attacks.

Thanks to the cloud-nin not being able so see, he wouldn't be able to notice the two toy trunks that had been placed there and forgotten by a small child. He rammed his feet right into the toy trunks, burying his feet inside of them and then started taking impromptu rolling skating session right into a section of an unfinished building

The Cloud-nin got up and resumed the chase; he needed to kill the blonde haired boy and get back to Kumo with the Hyuga heiress.

The chase began again.

Naruto was sweating from head to toe and panting. He almost never got away. Good thing he had been wearing a jacket or the man would've gotten him.

What Naruto didn't know was that the Cloud-nin was on the roof above him, taking aim with a kunai that was intended to strike a killing blow. As the Cloud-nin threw the Kunai, Naruto jumped to the side. The Cloud-nin couldn't believe it. Who was this kid?

Naruto frowned. That gross rat had given him quite a fright.

He then heard the sound of metal against brick and turned around. There was a kunai imbedded in the wall!

Naruto's eyes started ascending until they landed on a figure on top of the roof.

It was the Cloud-nin! Did this guy not give up?

Naruto bolted with the would-be murderer right on his tail, taking any path that gave him the chance to throw the nin off and let him escape.

He neared a wall that was blank save for a red fire-like symbol on it. Naruto had no idea what it meant but it was probably a clan compound, with trained ninja who could get rid of the weirdo chasing him!

Naruto attempted to climb the wall but he couldn't. Fortunately thanks to the adrenaline pumping through him and the tension and fear he was feeling, he was able to access a tiny bit of the Kyuubi's chakra. Not much but enough for him to be able to jump the wall.

What nobody had taken into account was that the tiny bit of the Kyuubi's chakra was very potent. So Naruto didn't just clear the wall.

He flew over it.

Naruto hadn't any ninja training so all he could do was scream and wail while he fell, but fall he did.

Naruto couldn't believe it. He had never been so high in the sky! But he was going to die when he landed!

Yet, that never happened.

As Naruto returned to earth he landed on the Hyuuga washing line(since they weren't going to allow commoners to wash their clothing) effectively making it act like a slingshot and firing Naruto feet first right at the Cloud-nin who was chasing him

The resounding crack could be heard for miles.

The Cloud-nin, Naruto and the sack that he had failed to notice fell down to earth. If Naruto's feet hadn't knocked the ninja out, then the fall to earth certainly did.

Naruto landed on the Cloud-nin with the sack held in his arms.

If the whole ninja compound hadn't been woken already, they were certainly awake now.

Naruto could hear rushed footsteps and whispers making their way to him.

He then faced the entire Hyuuga clan. Naruto could tell by the weird white eyes.

"Uzumaki-san, may I inquire why are trespassing inside the Hyuuga compound?"

At that moment a head popped out of the sack, a girl with black hair and pale eyes.

"Father!" Her face was wet with tears and her eyes bloodshot from crying.

Hiashi couldn't believe his eyes. The Kumo ambassador had tried to steal his daughter? He would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for the efforts of Uzumaki Naruto. Uzumaki, a four year old had taken on a fully grown Jounin with decades of experience on him.

The boy would be powerful in the future.

It would be imperative to get on his good side and create an alliance. Yes, a shrine in the Hyuuga compound celebrating his victory over the Kumo Jounin and the saving of the Hyuuga heiress. That would do very nicely.

"Uzumaki-san, I cannot thank you enough for saving my daughter. If you require my assistance do not hesitate to call upon me."

"Its… Nothing Hyuuga-san! Just glad to help."

Naruto failed to mention that he had never known the black haired girl was there and that he was running away from the man.

"Uzumaki-san, if you would please accompany me to the Hokage's office. We should inform him of this development. Hizashi, restrain our unwanted guest."

He received a nod from Naruto and his twin brother.

The walk to the Hokage's office was very short thanks to Hiashi knowing the exact routes of Konoha. A Hyuuga never got lost.

They made haste to the Hokage's office and quickly entered, irritating the Hokage's secretary to no end.

"Hiashi-san, to what do I owe the visit?" _You better not be wasting my time._

Hiashi explained what had transpired. Naruto didn't interrupt once. The man made it sound like he actually fought the Cloud-nin instead of just running away from him.

To say Hiruzen was skeptical would be an understatement.

"Hiashi-san, you're telling me the four year old Naruto in my office managed to outwit and defeat a Jounin?"

"Yes Hokage-sama."

Hiruzen checked his tobacco for any hallucinogens.

"Very well Hiashi-san. How will you reward Naruto?"

"A shrine in the Hyuuga Compound, and he may ask a personal favour of me."

Hiruzen double checked his tobacco.

"Naruto, do you believe this is fair?

Naruto looked excited at the deal. Did being a hero get you favours and free stuff from people?

"Yes Hokage-sama."

"Very well; it's settled. Hiashi-san you are dismissed. I will send Anbu to pick up the ambassador."

"Thank you Hokage-sama. Goodnight."

Naruto turned around to leave as the Hyuuga clan leader had done, but Hiruzen interrupted him.

"Naruto, would you by any chance want to become a ninja?"

"Will I be able to save people Hokage-sama?"

That was an odd question.

"Yes, Naruto. You will be able to save people in the later stages of your ninja career."

Naruto's face lit up at that. It meant more free stuff from people.

"Then yes, Hokage-sama. I accept."

"Very well Naruto, you will attend academy classes in three years. Now I'll have an Anbu operative take you home."

The Anbu operative in question couldn't believe what the four-year-old had done.

 _Four years old and already defeating jounin. You'd be so proud Minato-sensei._

The time spent heading to Naruto's apartment wasn't very long and Naruto was glad to fall into his bed and head off to sleep. He couldn't wait to become a ninja and get lots of free stuff.

Wait, if he was a ninja wouldn't that mean he'd have to fight other ninja?

The next morning Naruto would rush to the shower and attempt to change his bed sheets which had become wet, soaked with his urine when he realized the terrible truth that came with becoming a ninja.

He was screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

Itachi winced at the sight of his parents' blood.

It would be forever burned into his memories due to his eyes. The Sharingan.

He had always hated the sight of blood. He was a pacifist by heart and never wanted to be the reason that the life blood of someone wasn't present in their body.

Yet, the Uchiha clan had chosen this path when they had planned to attempt a coup d'etat. It would have caused a civil war in the leaf, and while that was raging on the other Hidden villages would have taken advantage of their weakness and obliterate them.

This was the only option.

Itachi heard footsteps and looked at the entrance to the room. All the Uchiha were dead and no one would dare enter the compound. That only left one culprit.

His little brother.

Itachi dreaded this meeting. Sasuke would walk in and then he would use the tsukuyomi on him, showing him the massacre over and over, cementing Sasuke's hate for him. Cementing his own fate. He would die by his brother's hand; that was the only atonement that he would find in this world.

That was alright with him though, accepting hate in place of love. Nothing that he wanted mattered. All that mattered was Sasuke.

Itachi smiled at that.

Yes, Sasuke would succeed him and avenge the Uchiha clan. Nothing would make him happier. Itachi heard the door slide open and stared straight through the coal black eyes of his younger brother. Itachi grimaced.

It was time.

"Itachi, all of our clan members are dead! What happened?"

"Foolish little brother, I killed them to test my capacity."

"No, Itachi! You're lying!"

"I am not. Our relatives lie dead at our feet thanks to my blade, Sasuke. I don't regret it; the Uchiha have become lazy and weak."

"You're insane!"

Itachi ignored the comment.

"Except you Sasuke. You have the potential to become someone I can test my capacity against. Someone who would be a challenge in the years to come."

"Itachi, no! What are you talking about?"

"Live in hate little brother, cling to life. Run and run, until one day you can face me with the same eyes as mine."

Itachi's eyes had morphed into the Mangekyou.

"Wh-a-a-t? Itachi, you can't be serious? This is just some huge stupid prank right?"

"No, little brother, now you will relive the massacre. You will watch the massacre of our clan ove-"

Itachi was interrupted by the roof of his home caving in. Shards of the roof fell and Itachi had dodged but not before one of them had cut his arm. It was a deep cut but he could rely on the Mangekyo and escape, though he needed to defeat the assailant without attracting the attention of the rest of the village.

Itachi searched the room for the trespasser, sword at the ready when he noticed it.

A flash of blonde hair and blue eyes.

Uzumaki Naruto was here. A boy who had defeated a Jounin in single combat at the age of four. The boy may have acted like an idiot and pranked everyone but Itachi saw through that. He saw the prodigy of unparalleled skill underneath the mask of a dunce.

Uzumaki Naruto was a true shinobi.

Itachi's eyes flashed in realization. Uzumaki had intended to surprise him with the caving of the roof and then had injured him with the shards. It was ingenious and Itachi couldn't believe he had pulled it off; he would have needed to have taken several things into account for that surprise attack. Positioning, where he had to strike the roof. He had calculated all of that while avoiding Itachi's detection.

A genius indeed.

Itachi attempted to look into Naruto's eyes but they appeared to be closed. He would have to engage the young child in hand to hand combat since Ninjutsu would alarm the shinobi of the village.

Itachi attempted a jab but the Uzumaki seemed to fall over, his sharingan tracking him. Uzumaki had managed to dodge the jab but the knee that was currently heading for his head would put him down for the count. Itachi seemed to be faster than the child.

It was good fortune until the Uzumaki seemed to change directions mid-fall which his Sharingan couldn't predict due to the sheer randomness and he received a resounding punch to his jaw.

Itachi was surprised by the force behind the blow and he payed for the moment of distraction with a kick to the face. Itachi couldn't believe it. Uzumaki's style of fighting was unpredictable. His sharingan was unable to predict it and the boy- no, _shinobi_ still had his eyes closed.

It was unbelievable how his ass was being this thoroughly kicked. Itachi had known the child was a prodigy, but this was mind boggling. How could a genius of this calibre exist?

Itachi scanned the room. The young uzumaki had grabbed his sword in the confrontation, but how? It must've been during the taijutsu exchange. Very clever.

He needed to get out of here, now. He couldn't beat Naruto as he was and the Uzumaki seemed to have taken a shaky kenjutsu stance. It might have been part of the style but there was no point in risking it.

So Itachi ran.

Sasuke couldn't believe it. His genius of a brother, the pride of the Uchiha clan and one of Konoha's most powerful Anbu captains had gotten his ass kicked.

This blonde, who looked about his age, had decimated Itachi.

He had just crashed through Sasuke's roof and had severely wounded Itachi. The mysterious blonde then had engaged in a Taijutsu battle with the Uchiha prodigy and had _won_.

Sasuke realized with his whole clan dead, he had no one to protect him. Itachi had said he wanted to test his potential against his brother's, but with the arrival of the blonde, Itachi might have changed his mind. Itachi might want to kill him, ending the Uchiha line, and Sasuke couldn't let that happen.

It looked like he needed someone to protect him, until he could defeat Itachi and avenge his clan. Itachi was powerful and the only one besides the Hokage who could defeat him was Naruto.

He needed to secure Naruto's trust.

Months ago his father had said Naruto at the age of four had defeated a Cloud jonin and prevented the kidnapping of the Hyuuga heiress. They had built him a shrine to cement his triumph.

He'd make Naruto a bigger shrine.

A shrine and a favour. It would cost, but his dead relatives weren't going to exactly use their money. It might've have been stealing but he needed to survive, and the only way to survive was to secure Naruto's allegiance.

Sasuke turned and glanced at his blonde haired savior, and blushed a bit at the intense look the blonde carried. It was a little embarrassing to be stared at.

It had become morning and Sasuke needed to secure this, yet when he was about to ask the blonde the sun had started to rise. The light had hit Naruto and Sasuke could only describe him with a single word.

Godly.

His hair had become gold and his eyes the spirit of the sea. This was why Uzumaki Naruto could beat Itachi at seven and a jounin at four. It was why he was an unparalleled prodigy and a unchallenged mind.

Uzumaki Naruto was a god incarnate.

He might not have realized it. He might not know, but Sasuke would show the world. Show the world the truth. Shrines would be built and temples would be made in his name.

His dead family didn't really need their money.

The best part was he didn't have to worry about Itachi, his god, Naruto would protect him. He'd revive the Uchiha clan and he would show them the way of Naruto. Sasuke would cement the god Naruto into his history, so no one could forget his benevolence and his almighty power. He'd surprise Naruto with the temples but he'd let him know about the shrine in the compound.

"Uzumaki-sama?"

The blonde shinobi turned to face Sasuke.

"Yes?"

Even though Naruto sounded like an ordinary seven year old Sasuke could still hear the raw power, the millennia of experience and power. It was truly humbling.

"I… wish to build a shrine in the Uchiha compound to cement your victory."

Those blue eyes looked like they could decipher his very being.

"Cool, but we need to-"

Naruto was interrupted by a voice. The voice belonged to an ANBU operative wearing a dog mask.

"What happened here?" He questioned.

Sasuke couldn't believe the audacity, how _dare_ he interrupt Uzumaki-sama? This was blasphemy on the highest level and it deserved retribution.

"How dare you? You reprobate! How dare you interrupt the great Uzumaki-sama? I wil-"

Naruto stopped Sasuke from angering the ANBU operative by throwing his hand right on top of his mouth.

"Sorry about that ANBU-san, but could we tell the Hokage this first?"

Sasuke understood. Uzumaki-sama didn't want him to explain the situation twice. He was smart and powerful.

The ANBU member spoke up," Very well, let's go to the Hokage's office."

Hiruzen couldn't believe his ears. Naruto the seven year old in front of him had apparently defeated the Uchiha prodigy gone traitor. He needed his pipe.

Hiruzen grabbed his pipe and turned around to face Sasuke and his top ANBU.

"You're telling me, the seven year old right here,"

Hiruzen motioned towards Naruto as he spoke.

"Defeated Uchiha Itachi, a type of prodigy that hasn't been seen since the Fourth Hokage."

He received a nod.

Hiruzen checked his pipe for hallucinogens and felt a severe case of deja vu.

"Very well. Uzumaki Naruto, you will receive payment for defending Uchiha Sasuke from Uchiha Itachi. You will also receive a favor from the Uchiha heir and shrine honoring your victory over Uchiha Itachi? Is that satisfactory?"

Hiruzen had never seen a head move that fast nor had he seen a child's grin that blinding.

"Very well, Anbu take these kids home and then return."

It was way too early to deal with the fact that Naruto _who was seven_ had clocked one of their strongest ex-anbu's.

Naruto couldn't believe what had happened. First the weird cloud-nin and now this? This was getting ridiculous but, he was getting a lot of favors and _two_ shrines. It was awesome. Favours meant more stuff he could get.

Yet Naruto felt very scared. That big Uchiha baddy who he had beat would be coming back for him. That in itself was very bad yet _free stuff._

Naruto would just have to deal with the fame and enemies that came his way, even though just the thought of it almost made him wet his pants.

Naruto's thoughts drifted back to Itachi, he had no idea how he had beaten the dude. He had wanted to prank Sasuke so he had followed him into the Uchiha compound. When Sasuke had entered his home, Naruto had attempted to make it to the Uchiha's roof but had miscalculated his weight and the strain the roof could take and actually crashed inside.

Things had then gotten very weird.

Naruto had closed his eyes due to the dust but had heard someone gasp in pain. Maybe the cave in of the roof had hurt someone but when he had slightly opened his eyes to peak, this random person who looked like Sasuke was going to attempt him jab him in the throat.

Naruto didn't really want that to happen.

Naruto had attempted a half assed counter but had only succeeded in falling over which had let him miraculously dodge the blow. The Sasuke look alike assailant had then gone for a knee but Naruto due to the dust still filtering around had sneezed and then landed two devastating blows on him and to not fall on the ground attempted to use him as a object to hold him up.

Yet by attempting that Naruto had only succeeded in grabbing and accidentally taking the Sasuke look alikes sword and sending the man flying. Naruto had taken the sword and attempted some weird kenjutsu stance, the man had recovered and stared at Naruto til he did something unexpected.

He ran.

That had left Naruto dumbfounded and very confused. However before he could do anything the kid he hadn't noticed went on about building him a shrine and he had called him _Uzumaki-sama_.

Stuff was getting very weird.

An ANBU had then showed up and the kid had gone ballistic at the fact that the dude had interrupted him. He had to shove his hand over Sasuke's mouth to prevent him from offending the Ninja that had a sword.

The Masked ANBU had then taken them to the hokage where they had explained the situation and Naruto had received a reward.

Then he had been taken home. Now Naruto was busy thinking about how he had gotten into this very stupid situation. He was becoming a hero is the eyes of the leaf and its people, but should he tell people that all of that was an accident? That he had truly never defeated Itachi and the Kumo-nin and it all was a complete mistake?

Nah.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: Sorry about the delay. Exams and such. Though chapter 4 is done and I just need to get it beta'd.

Thanks for reading.

p.s TrollerBear beta'd this. He made it not shit.

Thanks to him.

' _Naruto, you fail.'_

Sasuke couldn't and wouldn't believe it. There was no way Uzumaki-sama could fail the exam. He had beaten Uchiha Itachi, a man who had slaughtered the entire Uchiha Clan.A prodigy that rivaled the Yondaime, who had single handedly ended a _war_. It made no sense, there was no conceivable way that Uzumaki-sama could fail. Yet, he did.

 _Why?_

Sasuke would find out.

There were only two ways that he could fail. Failing on purpose ,or sabotaged.

Sasuke's teeth clenched, and gripped his hands hard enough for them to bleed.

 _Something is very wrong here._

Sasuke needed to consult his god about this. Maybe he would provide him some insight into this mystery ,or a direct answer. It didn't matter which, his god knew best.

Sasuke exited the class and started looking for Uzumaki-sama. He found him conversing with their silver haired teacher. Uzumaki-sama had a stoic look on his face and was nodding to what the teacher was saying. Sasuke again saw the look on his god's face. The situation must have been serious. Maybe he could just follow his god and see where things went?

Sasuke followed him for a good five minutes until they reached what looked like the… Hokage Tower? Why would Uzumaki-sama want to go there?

His questions weren't answered, Uzumaki-sama had started scaling the side of the building. He entered the building through the window.

Sasuke peered from his rooftop and attempted to see what was going on. The Sandaime was there and Naruto was… getting into a fighting stance?

His God vs The God of shinobi.

Sasuke's faith in his god was absolute ,but could he take on this legendary man in his weak human vessel?

The Hokage moved and Sasuke couldn't keep track.

It seemed he would find out.

Sarutobi Hiruzen couldn't believe what had just happened. Uzumaki Naruto-his grandson in all but blood-had entered his office through the window and demanded to have the scroll of sealing. He searched Naruto's eyes for a sign of why he would do this.

He couldn't find one.

"Old man, give me the scroll!"

Hiruzen flinched.

The confidence, the authority. He was demanding Hiruzen's respect and attention. He was very unfamiliar with _this feeling_ , no unaccustomed.

 _He could see them._ Kushina and Minato, her hair as fiery as her temper and Minato the cool, calm and collected prodigy _who had saved them all._ They were pushing Naruto. Pushing him towards his destiny as one of the- no, the greatest Shinobi that this land will ever see.

Hiruzen didn't own the Hokage. No it was merely on rent for the greatest Hokage since the days of Hashirama, a god among men.

Naruto may have been a child ,but _he would have his fight for the forbidden scroll._

"You may have the scroll Naruto, but only if you can defeat me."

The boy's face stayed stone cold. Yes, he was truly Minato's son, the prodigy above all.

"Very well Naruto. Begin!"

Hiruzen rushed at the boy, intent on finishing the impromptu sparring session with minimal energy. He'd then ask the boy why he had busted into his office and demanded the forbidden scroll. A good plan if Hiruzen had to say.

Hiruzen was about to quickly dismantle the boy with a few well placed pressure points. He had to be accurate and fast but even if this boy was a prodigy, Hiruzen was the God of shinobi.

Then something unexpected happened.

The boy moved unexpectedly, erratically as if he had tripped and wanted to regain his balance, but then it happened. One of the floorboards below Hiruzen seemed to give out and that's when he noticed that Naruto was putting pressure on it.

It was too late.

The floor snapped and Hiruzen felt his whole left leg fall into the floor. He was trapped but a quick kawarimi would rectify that. Hiruzen started the sequence of hand seals and was about to release-.

His world went white.

What had happened? Naruto had effectively blinded him, but with what?

These thoughts left Hiruzen as he felt something smash against his and pull him into the deep abyss that was being unconscious.

Amuro Hidemasa liked to think he was a humble man. Well, as humble as a man could get being the Hokage's personal guard. So when he saw a child less than half his age knock out the Hokage with minimal effort, well for lack of better term he pissed himself.

He hadn't even used a complicated maneuver. Naruto had simply weakened the boards in advance by landing on them when he had entered the room.

 _He had known_. Known the Saidame's steps before he even made them. As the God Of Shinobi took a step forward the board has shattered- trapping his predominant leg.

Naruto had _known_ that the third Hokage would still be able to use Jutsu- he had then blinded one of Konoha's powerful men and slammed his head into the ground.

The Hokage was a out like a light.

'I've been in Anbu for a year. I'm going against a boy that just beat the Hokage, I'm screwed.'

Hidemasa had heard the rumours, this boy was a prodigy above all others. He had beaten a jounin at four and the infamous Uchiha Itachi at seven. He had beaten an _Anbu captain_ at seven.

Hidemasa was very, very screwed.

Hidemasa's eyes lit up with a brilliant idea. All he had to do was sneak past the kid and bolt for reinforcements. It couldn't be that hard, could it?

Hidemasa quietly made his way to the window as the boy made his way for the scroll. It couldn't be this easy could it? As Hidemasa just about stepped out of the window he felt something on him. Like someone was watching him, but who could that be? That's when Hidemasa remembered there was another person in the room.

Someone with cold blue eyes.

Hidemasa felt the urine leave his system before he could restrain it. _This was unbelievable, impossible and improbable. This monster, Hidemasa knew he wasn't a mortal. This wasn't natural ,and he knew if he didn't escape now…_

 _He would die._ _Die a gruesome death ,and no-one would know about this beast._

So he ran and he ran until his lungs almost collapsed on themselves.

 _He needed to get away._

 _Now._

Hidemasa then jumped across the rooftops, checking behind him for any sign of the boy- no man. He didn't seem to be there. He then made his way to the nearest ANBU members house that he knew of. He knocked on the door and dark brown eyes met his.

The eyes of Uzuki Yuugao.

"What do want?"

"Uzumaki Naruto! He knocked out the Hokage and stole the forbidden scroll! We need to assemble everyone and find him!"

Yuugao's eyes widened for a split second before she replied.

"That's all fine and dandy, but why are your pants wet?"

"I spilled some water on myself."

"You pissed yourself when Uzumaki saw you, eh?"

A very awkward silence ensued.

"Oh piss off!"

They then left to assemble the shinobi forces.

Sasuke was on a proverbial high because _holy shit,_ Uzumaki-sama had just beaten the third Hokage like he was some _mut_ \- no this _insect_ had been _obliterated_.

It was a one man slaughter.

His god had gotten ever stronger, from beating Itachi to beating the third Hokage. His god could protect him.

It was a liberating thought.

'Now, I have to find Uzumaki-sama,' was Sasuke's only thought.

Maybe he could finally get some answers on why his god had failed? Maybe Uzumaki-sam could also shed some light on why he stomped the third? Wait, maybe he felt Sasuke's earlier doubt and then sought to get rid of it.

To strengthen his faith to him.

It all made sense. Uzumaki-sama felt that Sasuke didn't have one hundred percent conviction, so he sought to bring it to that level. Uzumaki-sama was truly amazing.

That's when Sasuke realized that he had lost Uzumaki-sama.

'Great, now I need to find my got again. This is getting very troublesome.'

Sasuke found the trail of his god _again_. It seemed that he was in the Konoha forest , while Sasuke was making his way there it seemed like every single Shinobi was searching for something important. Maybe they too want to find Uzumaki-sama?

His god's religion was moving much slower than he had anticipated. Had they not heard of all his feats of impossibility? His raw awesomeness and benevolence?

Strang. Very strange.

What was this? Sasuke had finally found Naruto and he seemed to be near Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei.

The former having a windmill shuriken in his back.

Ouch.

Sasuke surveyed the situation and smiled.

His god had this under control.

Naruto wondered when everything had gone to shit. Was it when Mizuki tricked him into stealing the forbidden scroll ,or when he had knocked out the third Hokage?

Probably the latter.

Damn, he really was screwed and now this lunatic was ranting on about something.

"Naruto!'

Naruto met Mizuki's gaze, showing none of the fear he felt.

"Yes?"

"I bet you're wondering why I tricked you into bringing the scroll of sealing here."

"Ah sure?"

Naruto had no idea what to do at this point.

"I was the reason you failed all your exams! You were graded zero every were being held back!. Follow me Naruto, a child of your talents would greatly appreciated by Orochimaru-sama! Statues and towns will be built in your name and Orochimaru-sama will guide you on your journey!"

Naruto blinked. Didn't he get zero for those tests since he had known _nothing_. Hadn't he tried to cheat? Like, _alot._ It didn't matter, he had to get away from this man.

 _Now._

Mizuki was standing on a branch that was in the direction of Konoha. There was only one thing Naruto could do.

 _Run_.

Naruto took a chance and bolted. However, he didn't make it far, tripped, fell on a pebble.

 _No no no_

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. He didn't want to die.

 _He wanted to live._

Tears threatened to escape his eyes ,and he locked them shut. He wouldn't give Mizuki the satisfaction.

 _This is unfair. Why do I have to die?_

 _Why?_

Naruto awaited for death. He waited eyes tight and closed until he noticed…

 _I'm not dead?_

Naruto opened his eyes and _saw it._

 _The stone I tripped on is heading right for Mizuki!_

Now Mizuki being a battle hardened Chuunin wasn't going to get taken out by a pebble. He did the smart thing and _dodged_. Mizuki questioned why Naruto would use such a stupid attack until he felt the pebble hitting him in the back of the head. He then proceeded to lose his balance and fall head first down to the ground.

Again, Mizuki was a chuunin, and a good one at that. However, as he attempted to righten himself and not neglected the fact that he hadn't looked at the ground. Right below him was a huge boulder that he was approaching -with his legs wide open- and phenomenal speeds that would make an ordinary civilian wince.

The Sound of Mizuki's crotch hitting solid stone could be heard for miles.

Naruto blinked. What the fuck had just happened? His ex silver haired teacher and taken a pebble-no bigger than the tip of his finger- to the back of the head, and fallen onto a pointed rock crotch first.

Naruto wasn't sure how to react.

This chuunin, a supposed elite of the village had been downed by a common pebble, and it really made him question how people got promoted. Maybe Mizuki was just a really good teacher?

Nah.

 _It dawned on Naruto._

He was dead, so very dead. He had stolen the forbidden scroll and now had, _on accident,_ downed one of the leaf's chuunin.

Naruto felt a warm hand grasp his shoulder ,it took all of his self control to not just bolt there and then.

"Well done, Naruto."

Naruto turned around and he came face to face with brown eyes, _Iruka_! Naruto stared into the man's didn't seem angry he seemed pleased. Why was he happy? Oh no, Iruka-sensei could have been waiting for this moment, and he would blame everything on Naruto and then he'd get thrown into the leaf jail that had S-rank nin that _ate_ things tougher than him.

He was so dead.

Iruka spoke up again," Let's wait for the Hokage, then we can explain this mess!"

Naruto was deader than dead.

There was no escape he was trapped. Iruka was a chuunin and he may have been injured but he might have some unorthodox skills up his sleeves that would trounce Naruto. He _really_ didn't want that.

Maybe he could make a run for it and not get caught.

That was it, he'd escape to Cloud.

He'd throw dirt in Iruka's eyes and make a run for it. He'd then proceed to go on a dangerous journey trying to get to cloud and he'd make it there by the skin of his teeth. They would ask his name, and he would reply _Ramen-kun my good sir._ He would battle the Raikage for entry and after his miraculous win the Raikage would offer him a beautiful maiden's hand in marriage.

They would then proceed to marry, and she would be a kind hearted woman. Strong when needed ,but a gentle hand when someone was in pain. Her name would be Kawa. She'd be like a river. A fierce beast at one moment but a soothing stream at the next. They would have children, very beautiful children that would have blue eyes and black hair. It would be amazing!

"Naruto!"

"Yes, Kawa-chan?"

The third hokage blinked at that.

"Naruto who is Kawa?"

Naruto blanked out for a second before he realized that was all apart of his imagination.

 _Where had that come from?_

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Naruto tilted his head to the side as the old man shook his.

 _What's the old man's problem?_

"Naruto. I'm sorry, I should've know you were being kept back in the academy. Mizuki… He was failing all of your projects and assignments Naruto. Iruka just told me and I cannot apologise enough for this folly. You have proven your worth and skill numerous times and you have even bested me in combat."

Naruto's eyes grew wide at the statement. Did the old man mean when had accidently thrown paper on his face?

"So for this, I have decided to promote you to Jounin Naruto. Congratulations!"

Naruto was dead. So very dead. Why would this bat shit crazy old man make him a jounin? Naruto couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes.

He was so damned screwed.

Hiruzen's eyes softened at the tears escaping Naruto's eyes. It seemed he was humble just like his father, yet he still possessed the fire of both his parents.

He bent down to hug the recovering boy.

So young and already so powerful. It was a marvelous thing, the will of fire was burning.

 _Burning brightly in Naruto._

"Also, Naruto,"

The blonde haired by stared up at him with still wet eyes.

"Naruto let's not tell anyone about how you defeated me, ok? Can't have everyone thinking that the Hokage was getting weak, right?"

Hiruzen was actually just very embarrassed by the fact that he had gotten curb stomped by a almost thirteen year old.

The boy's eyes seemed to light up.

"If I don't want to?"

Hiruzen glared at the boy.

"I'll pay you."

"How much?"

"A B-rank salary."

"That's not good enough Hokage-sama, S-rank."

"A-rank."

"S-rank."

"Boy, do you know how much that is?"

"It's your reputation, not mine."

What had he said about Naruto acting like Minato and Kushina?

 _This boy was pure Kushina._

"Fine."

The boy smiled and jumped out of the Hokage's arms.

Even though Hiruzen had a lost quite of lot of money to the scheming little brat, he still had his dignity and pride.

Little did Hiruzen know that Uchiha Sasuke had been listening in on everything and has seen what his god had done.

Sasuke smirked.

His god had promised to not spill the beans, but he hadn't.

 _Rue the day old man. Rue the day when you thought your reputation was safe._


	4. Chapter 4

_Kakashi could see underneath the underneath very well._

He was a prodigy, shattering records set before him. Created a technique which made men flinch at the sound of a chirping bird. Surpassed everyone around him and became one of the youngest jounin ever. Yet, he was afraid.

Afraid of Naruto.

It wasn't because of what he contained; it was because of what Naruto _was_.

Kakashi noticed a pattern when it came to people like Naruto - _people who were more of a prodigy than himself._

No one else knew, but he did.

 _He didn't need to provide proof since it was already there._

Uchiha Itachi murdered his entire damn clan.

Senju Tobirama made a technique that could _raise the dead._

 _._

Senju Hashirama subdued the nine bijuu and gave them away to the other nations.

Orochimaru of the Sannin _experimented and murdered people for the secret of immortality._

Namikaze Minato, _took the nine tails head on, stopped a bijuudama from hitting the village and then summoned the god of death._

Uchiha Madara, who went ape shit and fought Hashirama. Then _Destroying the area that surrounded and creating the valley of the end._

So yes, Kakashi could see the pattern very well. Anyone who had more talent that him would go bat shit insane, and try to do something that would be detrimental to him or to the village.

 _Naruto was a ticking time bomb._

One day Uzumaki Naruto would go off, go off and destroy _everything_. The boy was exhibiting more talent that his mother and father combined, and Kakashi didn't want to be there when he annihilated everything. Where he decimated the land and it made men shake from his mere presence.

No, he would be safe. Safe, faraway and in another country enjoying himself.

Yet he had a duty to his village, and he needed to warn the Hokage that Naruto would go off, destroying _everything_.

Straight after his talk with Naruto, he would warn the third. After that, however, the Hokage can deal with it because _he was too young and pretty to die._

Kakashi could _feel_ the dread and fear inside of his stomach. They anxiety and the pressure of what he needed to do building up. He _had_ to protect his village and all the people inside of it.

"Yes, Kakashi?"

Sarutobi may have had immense knowledge and experience from participating in three shinobi world wars, but he obviously didn't see the threat that his own surrogate grandson was.

"Sir, I'd like to talk about Naruto." Uzumaki Naruto, the child that had the potential to rival even the likes of Senju Hashirama.

The true god of shinobi.

His leader's face almost seemed to change. Gaining a wistful smile and a look that one saved for an old friend."Yes, Naruto. You know Kakashi, I've been thinking. I'm a little too old for this job. I think it's time that a finally choose a successor, don't you?"

Kakashi's breathing stilled at the offer that Hokage was giving to him.

"Sir, we've been over this. You know my feelings about the position."

He didn't think himself worthy of the position of Hokage. He might be strong enough, fast enough, and smart enough.

Yet, he would never be able to replace his sensei. Never able to do a good enough job to earn his sensei's _pride_. He would never be able to lead an entire village of people. He would never be able to be depended and relied on. It was an impossibility, and there wasn't a chance in hell that he'd accept the position.

"Oh no Kakashi, not you. I was thinking of announcing Naruto as my successor."

Wait what?

He wanted _the living time bomb as Hokage?_

Kakashi's chest was constricting and his breathing erratic. He couldn't believe it, the Hokage had finally gone insane, and all of Konoha was going to be destroyed in the battle that would ensue between them.

There was no way he was going to let an insane man rule them.

"Not now, obviously,"

The panic settled in Kakashi's stomach, the absolute dread beginning to subside a bit. There was still a chance to fix this!

"Kakashi, Naruto is going to be the greatest Hokage. It's not a guess, and it's not a prediction - it's a fact. He will surpass the first Hokage and create true peace. I can feel it in these brittle old bones. He'll be the greatest one of us all. So for that, he'll be my successor. Not now, but when he's a bit older I'll announce him as the next Hokage."

The Hokage was insane.

 _How do ticking time bombs create peace?_

"Very well, sir. I'll be taking my leave then."

"Good night Kakashi."

He had to fix this. Now. The Hokage had to be loved by the people and had to be for the people. If he could convince the civilians of this -he could save the Village- . There'd be a chance for him to fix this whole mess.

He would fight gods and men alike to protect his brother, _but there is no way in hell that he'd let a walking bijudama take the place of Hokage._

It was time for Kakashi's plan to take action.

He found himself in one of the busiest districts of the hour.. That being the bustling market place. Full of civilians that would eat up whatever he said when he said it because of his forehead protector.

"Excuse me! I have something important to say!"

As the noises quieted, he could see they he had gotten their attention. Their eyes tinted with visible excitement that wouldn't appear often in their mundane lives.

Like kids and candy.

"I'm here to announce that the Hokage isn't in the right frame of mind right now, so I'll be telling you about a decision he's recently made."

"The Hokage's dead?!"

"I knew it!"

"Did he die of lung cancer?

"Did the drugs finally take him?"

Kakashi head turned at that one. Where had that rumor come from?!

He didn't expect to hear about the Hokage having a drug problem? Maybe that was the reason he chose Naruto as a successor.

There was still hope!

"No, you're Hokage is alive. He has chosen a new successor, Uzumaki Naruto, and I need your help to show him what a horr-."

"Uzumaki Naruto?"

Kakashi could see the civilians get excited at the idea of Naruto becoming the Hokage.

The fools.

"Didn't he defeat Uchiha Itachi and save Uchiha Sasuke?"

The civilians chatter rose again.

"He also saved the Hyuuga heiress from a cloud-nin!"

He scoffed at their utter ignorance. Didn't they see that Uzumaki Naruto would destroy them all?!

"Don't forget he uprooted the traitor Mizuki and saved the forbidden scroll!"

He flinched at that one. The civilians weren't supposed to know about that one. He needed to inform Hokage-sama about a possible leak. His knees became weak and his heart started to beat with an erratic pattern.

What if this was Naruto trying to test them?

Kakashi opened his mouth mouth to say something but it snapped shut at the state of the civilians. They were cheering- enthralled with the idea of a new hokage-.

He had failed.

Konoha was doomed.

He sighed. It seemed like he'd never be able to convince the civilians about Naruto, the blondes accomplishments were being spread. No one man would be able to stop them and he wouldn't have the Hokage on his side.

' _So, this is what it's like to lose?'_

He made his way to the nearest merchant, gloomy and down at his utter failure.

"How much for your strongest stuff?"

"Five hundred."

"Deal."

With that Kakashi handed the merchant his money, and went on his merry way. Taking sips from the bottle, and attaching himself to the prettiest lady in the street because _he deserved something today._

Sasuke was having an amazing morning.

His god had trumped the God of shinobi, and had been promoted to jounin. Someone finally recognised Uzumaki-sama's greatness!

He made his way to the academy, a spring in his step and whistling in tune with the birds.

' _This truly is one of the greatest days ever.'_

He chose whistling, whistling that was very out of tune.

"Sasuke, could you shut up?"

He turned around to face pink hair and emerald green eyes. Her features distinct enough for him to recognise who it was.

Haruno Sakura.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke drawled, a smug smile still stretching his lips in a disturbing manner. "I'm under the belief that you're not the boss of me. Could you do me a favour and screw off?"

Sakura glowered, her cheeks flaming up and fists clenching.

"Oh? Do me a favor and go fail with that 'god' of yours."

Sasuke smirked, his eyes alight with what he thought was the holy power of Naruto.

It could be insanity.

"You mean Uzumaki-sama? Oh no, he was promoted to Jounin yesterday after he beat the third Hokage in single combat _and_ uprooted a traitor."

Sakura's jaw hit the floor.

"You're full of shit!,"she hissed. "He was the dead last of the academy; there is no way he's a jounin now!"

"That traitor Mizuki was failing him because he was jealous of Uzumaki-sama's talents," Sasuke said.

"You're almost as much of a liar as Naruto!" In spite of this Sakura still found her cheeks warm when she came to the fact that she was speaking to Sasuke Uchiha, even if he was insane and a damn liar.

Damn Uchiha genes.

Now that earned Sakura Sasuke's ire.

No one, and he meant _no one_ , called his god a liar and was allowed to live. Before he could exact holy retribution and destroy the heretic, their Chuunin instructor walked in.

Umino Iruka.

"Calm down please, and get to your seats. It's time for me to announce the teams."

Sasuke zoned out as his now ex-chuunin instructor announced the teams. He wondered what Uzumaki-sama was doing right now.

"Team Seven: Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata, Haruno Sakura under Uzumaki Naruto."

The entire class stopped at that and Sasuke couldn't contain his roar of triumph. A grin was fitting his face, and everyone couldn't help but fear the raw insanity he displayed.

He decided today would be the holy day of Naruto. The day his first disciple bonded together as master and pupil.

He really needed to start writing Uzumaki-sama's book.

Naruto was scared.

Scratch that, he was crapping himself.

The Hokage had the bright idea of making him a jounin-sensei and just sending him off with three random genin.

He was so screwed.

He made his way into the academy, sweating and wishing that he hadn't gotten into this messed up situation in the first place. He opened the door and made his way in.

He then tripped and face planted, almost breaking his nose which would of made him an even bigger laughing stock.

He had screwed it up again.

He could hear everyone laughing, roaring at his embarrassment but they failed to notice something.

A small but very dense pebble had made its way into his sandals while he had been walking and this same pebble had flown out of his sandle.

Now, on a normal occasion, the pebble would have bounced away hurting one person at best. Good thing for Naruto that this wasn't a normal occasion

He was a container of a tailed beast. A jinchuuriki and from his tailed beast he received above average physical capabilities, now increase that again because of his Uzumaki heritage and you have a shinobi that is very strong even if he hadn't trained for most of his life.

Now the pebble flew across the classroom and struck a student in the face and he fell onto another student. Then everyone inside of the class became a line of dominoes as they fell ontop of each other thanks to one little pebble.

He looked around and noticed that the only ones that hadn't been effected was Sasuke and Iruka, even poor Sakura had gotten stomped on a bit.

He faced his student and was a bit freaked out by his reaction as Sasuke grabbed Naruto's feet and started kissing them.

"Uzumaki-sama, please forgive me for not punishing these heretics. I'm sorry you had to! I was just not fast enough…" Sasuke trailed off.

"That's ok, Sasuke! I forgive you, just let go of my feet!"

Sasuke jumped up, eyes alit with the holy power of Naruto and his eyes tearing up at the forgiving nature of his god.

Naruto was a little creeped out.

"Thank you Uzumaki-sama, I will never fail you again!"

"Alright Sasuke, now go grab Sakura and Hinata and meet me at training ground seven."

"Hai, Uzumaki-sama!"

Naruto watched Sasuke's back as he stalked off. Determination seemed to radiate from each step as if he had been given a mission from God himself.

He was really screwed.

Sasuke grunted as he grabbed Hinata and Sakura, and threw them over his shoulders similar to how one would handle of a sack of potatoes.

' _Jeez, Sakura weighs a tonne.'_

As if Sakura could hear Sasuke's thought, she chose to wake up at that moment smashing her elbow into his jaw, almost bruising him and forcing him to drop her and Hinata like bricks.

Said heiress woke with a squawk eyes glued to Sakura and Sasuke.

"W-hat ha-pp-ened?"

He needed to help her get rid of that stuttering. Everyone on Uzumaki-sama's team would be the personification of confidence. His team needed to be the pique of human proficiency and composed of the most powerful ninja in the Elemental Nation.

Except Sakura. She was a heretic of the highest degree. She was denouncing Uzumaki-sama and attempted to demoralize him through the use of insults.

Bitch.

"Uzumaki-sama knocked everyone in the class out due to their disrespect." Sasuke smirked at the memory heretics getting their just desserts for disrespecting his god.

He turned to his pink haired teammate and couldn't help the cold smile that appeared over his pale face.

"Anything to say Sakura?"

She glowered at him, anger visible and her first clenching, almost drawing blood. She looked like she was going to explode and Sasuke couldn't help but laugh.

Making fun of heretics was an amazing use of his time.

"We need to make our way to training ground seven. It's where Uzumaki-sama is waiting for us." Sasuke wasn't going to waste his god's precious time and neither would his looked and at his two teammates. Hinata nodded her head in agreement but Sakura seemed to hesitate.

"Sasuke, could you stop doing that?"

Anger flooded his veins at what Sakura was implying.

"Could you stop calling Naruto-baka Uzumaki-sa-."

He had rushed forward right in front of Sakura, his eyes gaining a hysterical and almost insane glint that no man should ever posses.

"You -listen here-. I have _had_ it. Your blatant mockery of Uzumaki-sama is _really_ grating on my nerves. He _is a god_ and you _will_ respect him as such. If I _hear_ another word of disrespect towards him, I swear to Uzumaki-sama, - _I will end you-."_

Sasuke's breathing had become erratic from his monologue and it only made him look even more insane. He seemed to have gained an unearthly aura .What's worse was that his eyes had gained something, tomoe.

Uchiha Sasuke had unlocked the Sharingan.

 _A fully matured Sharingan._

Sakura was shaking in fear and couldn't help but tell him.

"S-asu-ke..."

"What!?" He yelled, eyes staring into her's -his still containing the holy fire of Naruto with in them-.

"Sharingan."

Sasuke froze at that statement, completely still. He took out a kunai and examined himself, shocked and excited by what he saw. He couldn't believe it. It had happened,

 _He had done it._

 _Through the holy power of Uzumaki-sama he had unlocked and mastered his Sharingan._

 _This was his god's gift to him._

Sasuke bolted - _determined to thank his god in any way he could_ -.

All his teammates could do was chase after him.


	5. Chapter 5

Uzumaki Naruto was scared.

The Third Hokage had made Naruto a jounin. Despite Naruto having the skills of a sub bar genin but the Hokage didn't know that. Now he had to lead a team of genin: Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura and Hyuuga Hinata.

Sasuke had started to worship him like a god. Naruto was flattered... /but/ he didn't really feel like telling the shinobi he was wrong.

Haruno Sakura had an utter disdain for him for being the dead last and bugging her with pranks over the years.

Hinata fainted around him. She must've had some weird illness that didn't let her keep it together when awesome as Naruto got into her personal space.

That's why Naruto was sitting in a training ground out in the middle of nowhere. Waiting for a team that was going to discover that he wasn't a leader- _that he was a failure_ -.

That he was, in his entirety, a fraud.

Naruto was broken from his depressing thoughts when he heard the sound of someone running.

Then he heard _him_.

"Uzumaki-sama! Uzumaki-sama! Uzumaki-sama!"

It was Sasuke.

"Ah...hi, Sasuke?"

"Uzumaki-sama, thank you so much!"

"For?"

"You know why!"

Naruto was very lost at this point. He had no idea what Sasuke was talking about.

"Well, uh… Why don't you remind me? I want to hear it from you."

Sasuke's eyes seemed to sparkle at this; Naruto questioned why he hadn't objected to getting a genin team.

"You unlocked my Sharingan with your holy power!"

Now, Naruto was even more confused. He couldn't even summon a bunshin and this kid thought he could unlock a shamigan?

It sounded like a disease, what was it?

"Ah… You're welcome Sasuke! After your devotion for the last few years, I thought it'd be good to give you a reward!"

Sasuke replied with a smile _a smile so unhinged,_ Naruto thought he was about to pee himself. He proceeded to jump at Naruto, tackling him.

"Oi! Sasuke, off! I need to breathe!"

That's when Naruto noticed the sobbing and the wetness of his orange jacket. It seemed like Sasuke had dampened the entire thing. He was even wetting the floor!

Why was he _crying?_

"Uzumaki-sama, your benevolence… I'm not worthy! From now on I will be more devout, never doubting you again. I'll even start spreading your word! Maybe I could… write a book?"

Naruto closed his eyes so Sasuke couldn't see the tears of terror. Did Sasuke thing he was a god? Was this kid _delusional_?

"Sasuke, that's alright and all, but you still haven't gotten off of me." That seemed to get Sasuke's attention. He climbed off Naruto, dusting Naruto off as he went.

"I apologise Uzumaki-sama. Please forgive me."

"Sasuke, it's alright. I forgive you."

Sasuke beamed at that. A light filled his eyes and happiness seemed to _radiate_ from him.

 _This kid was utterly insane.._

Why was he so obsessed with him?

It didn't matter. The Hokage had said that he needed to do a test- _one that pressed the boundaries of their teamwork_ -.

He needed to push them to their limits and back. He needed to put them one foot in the grave, test their very convictions as shinobi.

Naruto had no clue what he was going to do.

The Hokage expected him to make a test like that? The old man must've become sensile in his senile years.

Naruto sighed.

He needed to do this and he'd say it as soon as it came to his mind. It would be a brilliant idea.

Sakura was the first one to speak up after Sasuke's- _episode_ -.

"Naruto-ba-," A quick glare from Sasuke forced Sakura to correct her mistake. "Naruto-sensei, what are we going to do?"

Naruto had no idea, so as any reasonable individual would- _he shouted the first thing that came to mind-._

"Come at me with the intent to kill!"

Sakura's wolfish grin only made him pee a little.

{BREAK OF THE LINE}

Sakura couldn't believe it. She had the chance to take down this _fake_ and prove to Sasuke that Naruto was a fraud.

There was no way in hell that he was a god.

She put on an innocent smile before replying to Naruto's statement. " What if we hurt you, Sensei?"

He put on a smile as if he had the elite skills of a jounin and was not a stupid genin. She very much

wanted to knock his lights out.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine."

With that Sakura rushed and prepared for a frontal assault. First, she would aim a kick at him to get him off balance, then she would switch and deliver a punch to his sternum. It would wind him and then she could tie him up with Ninja wire.

As Sakura prepared for her frontal assault, she was interrupted by Hinata who had jumped in front of her. The girl's fingers seemed to pulse with potent chakra and Sakura didn't want to be the victim of them.

Sakura watched Hinata attempt to poke Naruto with her fingers and it wasn't very effective. He seemed to dodge every strike at the last second.

' _He's not even trying.'_

She ignored the absolute smugness radiating from Sasuke.

' _Bastard.'_

As Hinata kept attempting to hit Naruto, something changed. As she went for what looked like a final strike, Naruto tripped. She took advantage of it- _fingers as fast as lighting_.-

Sakura's eyes widened and she prayed that Hinata's blow could connect.

It didn't.

Naruto had grabbed her hand, avoiding the deadly chakra strike. Naruto grabbed her arm and using her own body weight against her, throwing her into a tree.

The tree had blown up.

The force of the explosion seemed like it had knocked Hinata out.

Crap.

Naruto turned to them and Sakura saw _red_. He still had that infuriating smile on his face as if to say _'I'm better than you.'_

He wasn't and Sakura was going to prove it. She was going to _kill him._

She continued with her previous plan. She needed to rush Naruto and get him off balance. Sakura ran at Naruto, intent on giving him more than a few bruises.

She flung a few test punches and they weren't even close to hitting Naruto. As she put more power into them, she was still missing. Panic hit Sakura like a train and dread started to settle in her stomach. Why was she missing?

Soon Sakura realized she was putting all her force into her punches.

She couldn't hit Naruto. He was too fast. Sakura gulped at the thought. There was no way that the deadlast was this fast and strong. Something was wrong.

Very well, she'd have to use her ninja equipment.

Sakura reached inside of bag, hands shaking as she handled the ninja wire. Fear evident. Even though, she ran at Naruto. Jumping over him and managing to trap him in the wire.

Her success was so close.

When Sakura turned around and saw the wire in pieces, her heart fell into her stomach.

Sakura's eye's strained, she couldn't find him.

' _Where is he?'_

Her eyes darted around the area. She still couldn't find him.

Sakura's heart felt like it was going to explode. She could feel it in her chest, its escape imminent.

 _That's when she felt it_.

A small tap on her shoulder. Sakura shivered, _she could feel it._

Feel her fate being sealed.

He was right above her, wasn't he? Dread invaded Sakura's system again and she wasn't afraid to admit she didn't want to turn around.

As Sakura turned around to check, she felt was she thought was the force of a small star impact her skull and all she felt was so much pain.

Her eyes were going dark and for a second she realized that the old dead last of the academy had floored her.

{BREAK OF THE LINE}

Sasuke was giddy. He felt like a schoolgirl- _that had gotten Uzumaki-sama to look at her-._

Uzumaki-sama was testing them and he had just floored- _no that was too generous-. He had massacred them._

The top two kunoichi of the academy.

Sasuke knew the chance was slim, but maybe for this small showing of Uzumaki's power. Maybe, _just maybe_ they'd convert.

Sakura had insulted and ridiculed his god's power, but maybe from this showing. Showing how a mere fraction of his strength was more than enough to take them.

Maybe she'd believe now?

He came back to his senses as he felt Uzumaki-sama flick his forehead. It felt so similar to the way Itachi had done it. Except, Uzumaki-sama's carried an infinite well of benevolent love instead of veiled contempt.

It was amazing.

"Ah... Sasuke?"

Sasuke eye's turned to his god and for a second Sasuke was almost stunned by his appearance. It was similar to the time he had defended him from Itachi.

The raw look of power, the golden hair and eyes bluer than the ocean. For a second, Sasuke - _could feel it._ \- The raw intensity of his god's power, Sasuke's knees became weak, his breathing heavy. The utter presence he could feel. It filled his senses and Sasuke felt like he was in heaven.

The smell of life- _of Uzumaki-sama_.-

"Sasuke…" The beautiful melody that was his god's voice knocked him out of his stupor.

"Yes, Uzumaki-sama?"

"Aren't you going to attack me?" Attack him? Never. Sasuke was devoted and this would be a grievous sin. The mere thought of attempting to harm Uzumaki-sama filled him dread, the feeling of horror almost overwhelmed him. Panic started building up in his chest, what if Uzumaki-sama didn't think he was faith-.

"Sasuke!"

His god's voice broke him out of his panic for felt like the hundredth time that day. He was becoming too much of a burden towards his god. He should be making his god more comfortable, not the other way round. He needed to be better, stron-.

"Sasuke!"

"Yes?"

"Are you going-"

"No Uzumaki-sama I can't-" Sasuke's breathing hitched. He could feel the tears traveling down his cheeks. "Please, please don't make me fight you. You've been so benevolent and just. Looking after me. You protected me from Itachi and you've done so much. Please... don't make me fight you."

Sasuke could see his god's face form a knowing smile.

"Don't worry, Sasuke. You don't have to fight me."

Euphoria hit Sasuke at his god's words. His god, his benevolent savior. Uzumaki-sama wouldn't force him to do anything. Sasuke ran towards Uzumaki-sama and as soon as he was near, his body went into prayer position thirty four.

The Ramen.

Sasuke knew this position needed him to get on his knees and lower his head. However through his over excitement at his god's benevolence he failed to notice something.

A very dense rock.

Darkness soon followed.

{BREAK OF THE LINE}

When the sound of Sasuke hitting his head echoed, Naruto couldn't help but sigh. This ninja was meant to protect him, but had gotten knocked out by a stationary rock.

Damn it.

Naruto sat down on the floor and he couldn't help the feeling of despair. He was doomed. The Hokage would give them a high level mission and they would be crushed. Destroyed by some jonin without a second thought and Naruto didn't want to die.

Naruto almost lost control of bladder at these thoughts, but he held it together. He couldn't embarrass himself even more on his first day of the job.

"Naruto-sensei…" Naruto was jolted out of his thoughts by a very soft voice.

Hinata.

"Yes, Hinata?" Naruto surveyed the damage done to her. Her jacket was torn and her pants ripped. She seemed to have a bruising on her cheeks as well as a bleeding nose.

Tree's were very deadly opponents.

"What happened?"

"I uh… knocked you out?"

Hinata's cheek's seemed to flare at that comment. Sweat started dripping down her cheeks and Naruto was worried. He leaned in close to check for an injury that if may have not noticed.

She seemed alright. Well, as alright as someone who had a tree explode in their face.

"Hinata? Are...are you going to faint or something?"

Instead of the reaction Naruto expected to happen, her fainting or what not. Something much different happened.

Her Byakugan activated and she looked down right _pissed_. She glared at Naruto and poked her index finger right into his chest.

It was painful.

"You think you're better than me, don't you?"

Wait, what?

"Sorry, what?" Naruto was beyond confused at this point. He had never interacted with this girl in the academy.

"You save my life, then suddenly you're too good to speak to me in the academy?" Hinata was looking very steamed.

"What are you talking me about? You never came near me in the academy, and when you did... You never did!

"Yes, I did!" Hinata's breathing was heavy and her eyes were starting to water. " I wanted to thank you for saving me, and I wanted to be your friend. Yet, you just kept ignoring me. I approached you every day and you acted like I wasn't there!"

Naruto blinked at that. He didn't recall a pretty girl trying to approach him every day, unless he just didn't notice her?

"Uh, I'm sorry?"

"You're sorry?" Hinata's eyes lit up with a unholy rage and her fingers were glowing blue with the dense chakra. She seemed to have entered the juuken stance and Naruto felt like he was going to lose control of his bladder.

Naruto made to move his arms in front of his face, but Hinata seemed to lose her murderous intent and the chakra in her fingers dissipated.

"I forgive you."

Naruto blanched at that. She was about to kill him! Everyone on his team was insane!

Well, except Sakura. She was pretty boring.

"Why'd you stop Hinata?" Speak of the devil and he shall appear. " You were just about to kick his but and he was wide open!"

Naruto was starting to dislike Sakura. Alot.

"UZumaki-sama!" There was Sasuke, right on time."Uzumaki-sama, what happened after I was knocked out?"

"Nothing much, Sasuke," Naruto surveyed his team and held in a sigh. "Well, you guys pass. You came at me with the intent to kill and that's all I asked for. Next time though, come at me as a team."

Why was he spewing this crap?

All three of their voices rang out," Yes, Uzumaki-sama/Sensei."

Naruto weeped at what would most probably be his last days in this life.

"Ok, I want you guys to report here tomorrow for a mission and training." The Hokage had briefed him on that much and he couldn't wait _to get away from these people._


	6. Chapter 6

"Sensei, I want a C-rank mission!"

Naruto started sweating bullets at that. He couldn't handle D-rank missions and- _those were glorified chores._

"Well, I'd like to give you one." No, he really didn't. "But, it's up to the Hokage."

Naruto hoped that would silence her request, but he was so very _wrong._

The team made their way into the Hokage Tower and Naruto was _not_ enjoying the slow walk there.

They arrived at the Hokage's desk and Naruto wished he had the power to steal voices. Oh how he wished...

"Hokage-sama, I request another D-rank mission please." Naruto could feel Sakura's anger directed to him because of the the request. He couldn't help the beads of sweat that started falling.

"No! No, more chores! I want a C-rank. This is getting stupid! We finished the minimum requirements for a C-rank and we're all strong enough!"

Naruto wished- _he pleaded with God himself_ \- that Sakura would just shut up. Did she want to get him killed? This was ridiculous!

The Hokage started stroking his beard, and looked like he was taking the stupid idea into consideration. Naruto could feel the hope leaving his body, similar to a deflating balloon.

Just not as incompetent.

"Hm... It's all up to your Sensei. Naruto, do you think they're ready?"

All eyes turned to Naruto and he could feel the murderous intent rolling off Sakura and Hinata. Sasuke was standing there, smiling.

 _'Of course I don't. Yet, if I say no the next place I'm ending up is a body bag.'_

Naruto realized he had been standing there for a good five seconds, and he had still not given them an answer.

"Uh...sure."

The Sandaime didn't look very convinced by the answer, but he handed over the mission briefing nonetheless.

"Your mission will bring you to a small town called Mīmu. It will be near Iwa's borders, so you need to be careful. We may have a treaty with them, but _accidents_ can happen."

Naruto flinched at the Hokage's warning. _They were all going to die._

"You need to deliver a scroll to Ishiba Hakko. He's the local blacksmith and is expecting it." The Sandaime turned his head to face Naruto's team. "Don't get too excited, and don't start any confrontations. Spies could be lurking and we don't need another incident."

He send a meaningful look at Hinata.

Sarutobi switched his gaze to Naruto, and Naruto could feel the intensity of the man's stare. The old man stared a second longer before muttering, "Already catching up to Minato."

Naruto didn't understand what that meant, who was Minato?

[BREAK OF THE LINE]

Sakura was ecstatic.

Well, not ecstatic but she didn't want to murder everyone in the vicinity.

Team seven's idiot of a Sensei had gotten them a C-rank mission! It may have been delivering a letter but it was better than baby sitting!

She arrived at the Konoha gates and saw that her team was already waiting there. Sasuke turned around and look towards her.

"You're late."

Sakura scowled at his words. It wasn't her fault, everything had just seemed to go wrong this morning. She couldn't find her clothes, and her breakfast had exploded in her face. Then when she had showered, there was no hot water.

It felt like someone was pranking her.

"Sakura."

She was broken out of her thoughts by the voice of her Sensei.

"Sakura, next time, please don't be late."

Sakura turned and when she saw the smug smile on his face, she started seeing red. Irritation flared and Sakura _knew_ that it was Naruto's fault.

He was the one that pranked her.

She was going to skewer him, then hang him up by his en-

"Sakura!"

Sakura was once again taken out of her thoughts by her Sensei's very annoying voice. Why couldn't he just stop speaking?

"Yes?"

When Sakura faced Naruto this time, he seemed to have gained a grave expression.

"I need you, to listen to me." Sakura nodded at his words. "We're going near Iwa's border, so we need to be careful. I need you to listen, and trust me completely. Got it?"

Panic seemed to filter into Sakura and she realized what could happen. Dread was tying her stomach in a knot, and for a few moments, she didn't know how to answer.

She then nodded.

Naruto's eyes lit up at that and Sakura wanted to punch him in the face.

"Good. Now, let's take our leave."

The walk to Rock was a hard journey. Sakura's limbs were aching and her lungs were burning. Who knew it would so far from the village?

She stared at her team, a look of intense concentration on her face. She had an idiot sensei, a teammate that was an even _bigger idiot_ and Hinata.

She was alright.

"Sensei!" The roughness of her own voice made her flinch. Her tongue felt as dry as a scorpion's nest.

She was not enjoying their first C-rank mission.

"Yes?" Her sensei's voice rang clear after she had called him.

Sakura wiped the sweat collecting on her forehead. Traveling like this was disgusting.

"How long til we arrive?"

Instead of answering, he just eased into another idiot smile and muttered, "As long as it takes."

 _What did that mean?_

Sakura looked around for any sign of a city. The jaggedness of mountain's near the border were beyond irritating. With Naruto leading them, Sakura felt like they were going one step forward and three back.

 _Does he even know where he's going?_

Sakura slowed her pace so she would be standing near Hinata. She needed to have a decent conversation with someone who wasn't _weird._

"Hey, Hinata." The Hyuuga looked up, startled by Sakura's loud voice.

"He-ll-o," The Hyuuga stuttered, not used to being spoken to. Sakura smiled, her teammate was so adorable.

Sakura looked at the front to make sure Sasuke was out of listening range before leaning in next to Hinata.

"Our Sensei's most probably going the wrong way." Sakura gave a Hinata a bright smile. "He's an idiot, isn't h-

Before Sakura could even finish the sentence, a _very_ sharp Kunai passed her by a hairs breath.

Sakura looked forward and Sasuke was standing _in front of her._ His Sharingan the color of blood.

"Insult Uzumaki-sama again, and next time the kunai won't miss."

The insane grin on his face made Sakura's every self-preservation instinct tell her to _run._

Yet, she still couldn't _not_ notice how close he was. Sasuke may have been an insane excuse of a human being, but he was a hot idiot.

 _'That flawless pale skin, wrapped around those perfect-'_

Her blush came back with a vengeance, and no matter what she did, _it wouldn't leave._

Sakura caught Naruto's gaze on her before he asked, "Are you sick or something?"

Her blush died at those words. _That idiot knew_ , he was just being smug with her. Whenever Sakura got a chance, she would kill him.

No-one makes a fool of Haruno Sakura.

Especially not stupid blonde sensei, or insane team mates.

[BREAK OF THE LINE]

Naruto was scared.

He had gotten his team lost, when he was meant to be _leading them._

He had no idea where they were going!

That's when Naruto saw _it._

 _His salvation._

It was the town, they had made it! Even after him getting them lost and doubling the amount of time it should've taken to get there.

They had still done it.

Naruto walked into the town, preening and filled with pride.

 _He had done it._

Maybe Naruto could do this whole Jounin sensei thing. It couldn't be as hard as he had thought.

"So Uzumaki-sama." Naruto turned, and his eyes landed on his raven haired student. "What do we do now?"

That question left the blonde stumped.

 _What_ _were they supposed to do?_

That's when it struck Naruto. The blacksmith, they needed to deliver a package.

Naruto looked back at his team, and for once he didn't feel like they were all going to die.

"We need to deliver a package to a local blacksmith." Sakura's eyes narrowed at this.

"Sensei?"

Naruto's eyes locked onto hers. "Yes?"

Sakura's face seemed to gain one massive smirk before answering, "Do you know where the blacksmith is?"

Panic made its way into Naruto's heart. Adrenaline swirled around his body, his lungs locking up. _They were going to di-._

"Found it," Sasuke voice rang out. Naruto stared at his student, eyes almost tearing up. From that day forward, Sasuke would always be his favorite.

Naruto followed Sasuke as he walked towards the blacksmith's shop. This was it. He would hand in the stupid package and they would _run_ back to the village.

Naruto would then barricade himself in his room, and never leave. He'd ask Sasuke to bring him food and other essentials.

Then he'd live a happy, and _safe_ life.

Naruto didn't notice the blacksmith's door until his head had an intimate moment with it.

"Ow!"

Naruto rubbed his forehead and turned to look at Sasuke. Wanting to ask the boy a question, until he realized Sasuke had a kunai out and was planning to _attack_ the door.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke froze before turning around.

"Yes, Uzumaki-sama?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed at him, "Don't stab the door."

Sasuke's eyes widened in outrage at the command, "But Uzumaki-sa-"

He interrupted him before Sasuke could finish, "No buts! Now we're going to calmly walk into the shop and you aren't going to stab anyone."

He didn't need Sasuke starting fights with anyone stronger than them.

Naruto made his way to the front of shop, eyes searching for anything and everything. He didn't want to get killed on his first mission as a Jounin.

That would suck.

His eyes landed on the old blacksmith and he smiled. Things were going right. Naruto walked forward and faced the old man, a strong purpose in his eyes.

"Sir?"

The old man looked up, an age old twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm a Jounin of Konoha. I've been tasked to deliver this to you." Naruto brought out the package, arm tensing as he realized the shape of the package.

It was a sword.

"Oh, thank you." The old man said, arm reaching for the valuable parcel. "I had no idea if this was going to make it to me," he confessed, a broad grin on his face, "I sent it through a low rank mission to throw off anyone wanting to steal it. Thank you again."

Naruto felt his eyebrow raise at the old man's statement.

 _'I wonder what kind of sword it is?'_

"Sensei!"

Naruto recognized that voice.

Sakura came running in, her breathing labored.

"We searched all over town for you two!"

Naruto's eyes widened at that. They had walked three metres ahead into a store, how could they have gotten lost?

"So sensei, is the mission complete now?"

Naruto smiled at the question. The mission _was complete._ They could go home and _no one had died._

It was a great mission.

Yet, the atmosphere of the shop changed. There was something _there_ , and Naruto could feel it. He felt his lungs constrict and his heart was _racing._ He searched for the foes and came across two men clad in red and purple.

"Hand over the sword."

Naruto's eyes landed on the old man, what was that sword?

The aged blacksmith spoke, a fire in his eyes that reminded Naruto of the Third Hokage.

"You'll never have the Raijin!"

Naruto's eyes widened at that. Raijin, as in the sword that could _wield lighting?_ It was the one thing that he had listened to in the academy.

 _It had been so cool._

"This Konoha jounin will defend me!" The blacksmith said, pointing at Naruto.

Wait _what?_

"Very well, we'll kill him _and then take the sword."_

Sakura spoke up, voice trembling, "Sensei... they're the Yōton no Rōshi and Jōki no Jinchūriki."

Naruto couldn't believe it. He could feel the panic flooding his veins. They had done a simple C-rank and now he had to fight not one _but two Jinchūriki._

Someone was screwing with him.

"That's no problem, Uzumaki-sama could take both of them on blind folded!"

Sasuke was now off the favorite list.

The shinobi seemed to take offense to Sasuke's statement.

"This blonde brat? He couldn't harm a fly."

Sasuke's eyes radiated anger as he lunged towards the Iwa shinobi. Vengeance was his only thought, and he _would_ have it.

Too bad his opponents both outmatched him, and had no qualms with killing genin.

They _flew_ forward, the murderous intent dancing in their eyes.

Sasuke never had a chance.

Sasuke screams echoed throughout the room as they snapped his arm, before silencing him with a quick kick to the head.

"Now," One of the men said, eyes glinting. "Who's next?"

Naruto gulped. This was going to end _very badly._


End file.
